The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - December 24, 2004
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Recaps from Fire Eater Wizard...

On The Metallic Onslaught: Santa Claus was there again, and he had some more
facts for us. I said when he first arrived there a couple weeks ago how he
set us all straight on what he and his life is really like as opposed to the
lovely picturesque lie that we have been fed (how there is no sleigh or
reindeer and has not been for a long time now - among other things). Well,
this week we learned even more about that. He requested that Weird Al
Yankovic song, "The Night Santa Went Crazy", which is about Santa massacring
all his helpers and reindeer. Then Santa told us that was the true version
of events (except for the ending, as in actuality Santa got away with it and
was never punished, which is why he is still here). So now you know the
truth. Just another great service that this show provides - exposing myths
and lies and uncovering the true story. I'm sure there is an award for them
in this for their breaking this important story. Santa left after the first
couple hours, as this upcoming week is his busiest time of the whole year.
He said he may be back in the new year. as things slow down for him after
that. Before going he gave them something which he said he was sure they
would all like a lot. He told them to be sure to read the instructions that
went along with this package as that was very important. After Santa had
gone Jeffie arrived. Now something has been really weird (I mean even weird
for him) with Jeffie ever since that extremely bizarre thing where he
disappeared at the end of a show a few weeks back after covering himself
with jam. He just hasn't been what passes for normal for him ever since
then. It was the week after that he totally snapped, with the mask and the
insane rants. Then there was the whole retirement thing. So, last week he
said that that would be his last show as he was retiring... Now here he was,
back again. However, maybe that Jeffie did retire and this was a new version
of Jeffie, or a new personality had taken over, or something, as he seemed
to have no memories of anything that had happened to him or any of his other
many clones. When they demanded to know why he was back after promising to
retire, he said how could he retire when he was brand new? He seemed to have
no memory of retiring, or of having met Santa the week before, or of having
ever met Shoebox (well, I guess it's understandable that he could forget
Shoebox, as Shoebox hasn't been there in since like forever. So, I guess
that one really isn't that weird after all. But this Jeffie kept insisting
that he was brand spanking new and, apparently, had no experiences to
recall. (so, I guess we will never know how he and Rahul spent their week
together unless Rahul comes back some day for a visit and we hear it from
him - who knows, maybe Rahul is responsible for this latest weird change in
Jeffie). And he still kept babbling,sounding at times like he was talking
baby talk, and ranting on about things that made no sense. And this new
version of Jeffie seemed to be defective at that... He would be talking, and
then just freeze, total silence 'til someone kicked or smacked him, like he
kept getting stuck. Then, when he would come out of it, he had no memory of
what had just happened. Once he was on his way in to kick Joes ass because
Joe had been making fun of him, and he got there, and froze. So Joe put him
in front of the closed door, and when Jeffie came to, he slammed into it,
not knowing how the door got to be where Joe was. This went on all night...
Jeffie would go to brawl with someone,  freeze, and then come to wondering
how he had wound up on the floor (where, of course, they had thrown him). At
the end of the night, Jeffie was being annoying and obnoxious (that was
something that had never changed), and Joe said that he thought it was time
to try out the thing that Santa had left them... Jeffie attempted to start
another brawl. And then there was this terrible noise. Lance seemed
bewildered and asked Joe what he had just poured on his head, and why had he
done that. Joe explained that he had read the instructions that went with
the package. And according to them he was supposed to sprinkle faerie dust
(yes, that's right, faerie dust) on Lance. Now at first Lance was
understandably not to thrilled to hear this... However, this faerie dust had
apparently briefly turned Lance in to a zombie. He had attacked Jeffie and
apparently eaten a lot of his face. And now Jeffie (or what was left of him
anyways) was lying on the floor, silent, motionless, and, apparently, dead.
But, as all of Jeffie's parts have been ripped off many times and just
regenerate, I would not be surprised if he shows up again in the new year...
Or if not this one, then another clone ... I say "in the new year" as this
was the last Metallic Onslaught for '04. The show will be off for the next
two weeks, for the holidays, and will return on Friday January 7th 2005...
Tune in then and all through the year to see what insane chaos awaits us all
in the coming year...

On The Last Exit: Let me see if I am up to the challenge of adequately
recording everyone who was there this week as there were only like 50 people
there! Well, ok, not quite that many, but a damn lot! Ok, here we go...
First of all Tim from Victory Records was there for the first time in
several months. Just Joe was back. Ian The Yeti and his friend Matt, The
Enforcer (Harold), The Penguin, Alan, Ron (the bassist for the Pushrods, who
made a brief visit) and a new female person who, as of yet, does not have a
name. There, I think I got all the guests! Now, on to the events of the
night... This was the 8th Pre-Anniversary count down to the end of the world
extravaganza. The world will come to an end on December 23rd 2012 according
to the Mayan calendar, but for Ian's sake, they changed it to the 21st. And,
coincidentally, Ian's birthday happens to be December 22nd. So, he only has
7 more birthdays after this one, and will die (along with everyone else)
just before he turns 30. So, to celebrate this joyous fact, the first couple
of hours of the show were devoted to helping Ian celebrate his birthday,
they didn't want him to have 8. They had gotten a cake for him. Now, a
couple weeks ago, I described how Just Joe might actually not be as stupid
as we think (although he did get arrested and thrown in jail over the
previous week, so, I guess there goes that observation, but more on that in
a bit), and I sited how he was not as dumb as some I could name, like Ian,
who keep falling for things and doing what they tell him to do, But
apparently Ian is smartening up as well (if this trend keeps up, they could
have real trouble if everyone becomes too smart to listen to them, they
would have to find new idiots, but, then again, idiots are always in
abundant supply), because he was extremely reluctant to eat the cake. They
tried to assure him that there was absolutely nothing wrong with the cake
and that they would never do anything bad to him on his birthday and that
everything was just fine. But that only made Ian more certain that
everything was wrong as he said that if they say nothing bad will happen, it
always means that terrible things will happen. See, I told you he was
getting wiser. But, he finally did give in to temptation and ate the
cake, and, actually, remained relatively unscathed, for this night, at
least. Both Matt and Ian also had with them rape whistles, yes, rape
whistles, and there those could be extremely useful items, which kept
getting blown (blown, huhu huhu), throughout the night. Later, as Alan was
proving himself to be quite useful in taking care of both Just Joe and the
Penguin, it was thought that, perhaps, he should be named the new Enforcer.
So they devised a contest to see which of them, Alan or Harold, should be
The Enforcer. They gave The Penguin a monkey, which makes her flip out and
become even more annoying, and told Harold and Alan that whichever of them
could get the monkey away from her (without destroying the monkey in the
process) would earn the right to be The Enforcer... A terrific battle
ensued. However, the question of who gets to be the enforcer was never
solved as Just Joe (who wanted the monkey and joined in the fray) wound up
with the monkey. He tore it's head off, but he wound up with it. But this
did have the desirous effect of getting rid of The Penguin, as she was so
traumatized by the beheading of the monkey that she had to leave. Alan And
Harold were also traumatized and worn out by the battle, so they too left.
It should also be said that somewhere in the melee, Harold manages to smash
some cake on Alan's head, so that gets him some points...  Azkath proclaimed
Alan the new Enforcer since he gave up the battle for the monkey rather than
letting it get destroyed.  So the question of who is the Enforcer was
settled for the moment anyways. Just Joe was of course not a part of the
contest for the title as Just Joe can not be The Enforcer as he is usually
what needs to be enforced. Ian and Matt left as well (probably wanting to
get out of there while their luck was still holding and they hadn't suffered
too much). We learned why Just Joe had not been there the week before... It
seems that the rumors were in fact correct... He had been arrested and put
in jail (for all of four hours this time), apparently stemming from his
taking Fritz prisoner and gluing him to his car seat. Fritz was not there
still, and Just Joe claimed that he was still attached to the seat (he was
out of the car, but the seat was still glued to him according to Just Joe).
So, who knows what has become of poor Fritz. Of course Just Joe was bragging
saying that, since he had spent more time in jail this time, now he was
really, really Hardcore. The rest of the night was spent talking to the new
unnamed person. She was asked and answered many of the wacky questions from
theinsanedomain.com. In the last hour or so of the night, we got to hear the
recording of the performance of If Man Is Five from The Punch Drunk Monkey's
10th anniversary concert played in it's entirety, plus some of the songs
that they had performed acoustically live on LE a few weeks ago. It sounded
great. And thus went the 8th Pre-Anniversary countdown to the end of the
world extravaganza show. I think I managed to get in everyone and all of the
insanity. As I said, and you can see, there were a ton of people there and
much insane action! Only 7 more of these shows to go! And, this week as the
show falls on midnight right after Christmas Day, it will be an extremely
Satanic type extravaganza. There should hopefully be a Satan there, perhaps
bearing satanic presents) and certainly much evil. Don't miss all the fun! 

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The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - January 1, 2005
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* Recaps from Fire Eater Wizard *

On The Metallic Onslaught: There was No Metallic Onslaught last week, and there will not be one this week either, due to the holidays. So tune in when it returns on January 7th...

On The Last Exit: As this show began at midnight directly after Christmas Day, it was of course a We Love Satan Extravaganza show.  Present for this huge event were Just Joe (still no Fritz, though, so his fate is still unknown), Rub McGroin, Ritchie (the vocalist and guitarist for The Pushrods),  and, of course, Satan. Satan Claus came bearing satanic gifts for all. For some strange reason Rub and Satan kept missing each other all night long, as one would go outside for a bit and that would be when the other would come in, and then vice versa. Perhaps Satan is afraid of Rub?  Now of course this being a We Love Satan show, it meant that someone would have  to be  sacrificed to Satan... And, since no one else showed up, it was decided that it would have to be Just Joe. Rub got the sacrificing started. They had read a story earlier in the night about a man who had been sexually assaulted by two women with ice tongs. And it was decided that that would be an excellent tool to us
e to begin the sacrificing with, to incapacitate Just Joe, before the killing. So they sent Just Joe outside under the guise of having him check to see if some one had arrived and was in the driveway. And, when he came back, Rub attacked him with ice tongs. The screams of agony were terrific, and went on for quite some time. And then Azkath attacked Just Joe, giving him some brutal steal chair shots to the skull. Just Joe appeared to have been successfully killed and sacrificed. They were wondering what they should do with the body, and, being the environmentally conscious folks that they are,  decided to throw it in the recycle bin. However, at the next talk break Just Joe was back again, very much alive. He said that he had been dead, and in hell. But Satan's gift to him earlier had been a Get Out Of Hell Free card, and he had used that to get out of hell, and, thus, was back. Ah, that Satan! How evil! Allowing them to get their hopes up that Just Joe was finally gone, and given as such a lovely sacrifice to him no less! And that was their thanks!? To have that ruined by his satanic gift! Satan can be really quite ungrateful sometimes! Apparently Satan doesn't want Just Joe in hell any more than anyone else wants him anywhere near them either.  Ritchie had composed a special Christmas song for this show entitled "Christmas Sucks", which he performed acoustically. It was awesome, very funny! He then also performed The Pushrod's song "The Devil Wears A Bra". Unfortunately Satan was not present for this. I wonder what he would have thought of that song?? Would've been interesting. Later they decided that they should spin the Wheel Of Satan. But, when they tried  this, the wheel began mooing, which is not how it's supposed to sound, and an "error 17" message appeared. No one knew what that meant or what was wrong with it. No one, that is, except Just Joe, who claimed that he knew what was wrong and how to fix it. He took the wheel in to the base ment (yes, he willingly went to the basement, but no one thought to lock him down there, perhaps because they hoped he could fix the wheel) to work on it. Later he came back with the wheel saying that he had fixed it. They spun it again... And it did something really really evil... It started continuously playing The Teletubbies, which though it may be truly evil, is not what it's supposed to sound like either. They informed Just Joe  that he had not fixed the wheel, but he insisted that he had too, and that he knew this because the wheel told him that this was what it wanted to do now. They decided to abandon The Wheel Of Satan, for this night at least, as it clearly appeared to be in serious need of repair by someone other than Just Joe.  And, of course the music for this night was all about and for Satan. And so that was the extremely evil violence filled fun We Love Satan Extravaganza Show. This weeks show will begin at midnight directly after New Years Day, and is entitled Demons Choice (the first one of this kind), which means the host (the Demon Azkath) will devote the show to playing his favorite music, all the stuff that he thinks is especially good. You can however still make your own requests as well, as always. Should be interesting...
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The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - January 7, 2005
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Recaps from Fire Eater Wizard...

On The Metallic Onslaught: This was the final week of their holiday hiatus,
so join the MO gang when they return this Friday (January 7th) to begin a
new year of brutality and insanity...

On The Last Exit: This weeks show began at midnight right after New Years
Day, and was the first ever Demon's Picks Show, which meant that The Demon
Azkath devoted the show to playing his favorite music and (except for
listener requests, of course, which are always taken) picked all the
selections and only played stuff which he personally liked and thought was
really good. Well, actually, not quite all, his show was briefly hijacked,
but more on that in a bit. Just Joe was absent this week and they didn't
know why. (Perhaps he got himself arrested again to try and beat his new
record of time spent in jail - four hours - so he can claim to be even more
hardcore. He does, after all, have competition now for claiming the mantel
of being  most hardcore, as he has to top Gorgar, who has a broken neck,
which is truly hardcore.) However, one of the other people present for this
night claimed credit for Just Joe's absence. Lance from The Metallic
Onslaught said that he was responsible. Lance said that in retaliation for
the many disparaging remarks Just Joe has been making about him lately,
(calling him gayer than Zoltan, which are truly fighting words, and saying
that he was not hardcore), he had kicked his ass and thrown him down the
stairs repeatedly, finally finishing him off with a shoe to the head. And
Lance has had a lot of experience with throwing people down stairs, after
all, having done it to Jeffie many times. So Lance said that it was due to
this severe beat down that Just Joe was not there. And, btw, still no word
on the fate of poor Fritz. Also present on this first show of the brand new
year were: Tim from Victory Records, Rub McGroin, and Ritchie (the vocalist
and guitarist for The Pushrods.). Ok, now the promised more on the brief
hijacking of Azkath's picks show... Lance asked if (since Old Joe never lets
him pick sets on MO) he could play a set or two of his picks. Azkath told
him that this night was reserved for him only to pick the sets, and, that if
Lance  wanted to get to choose some music, he would just have to show up on
the  show a bit more often. (Lance has not been on LE for months). Lance
asked Azkath what the hell was going on in the hall!? Azkath said that there
was nothing going on in the hall, but Lance insisted that there were very
bad wrong things happening out there that Azkath might be held responsible
for (fixing and cleaning up and such) if he did not see to putting a stop to
them. Azkath finally decided to go have a look... whereupon Lance
immediately shut and locked the door instructing everyone to not let the
Demon back in, and proceeded to play some of his favorite selections.
However, Lance's reign of control was to be short lived, (he got to play
about five songs), as Rub let Azkath back in. Of course Lance would pay for
this act of mutiny. Azkath caught him and duct taped him to the top of Tim's
car. He also put duct tape over Lance's mouth. Azkath told Tim to leave
Lance there for their entire ride home, which Tim said he would do. Ritchie
played some Pushrods songs acoustically, and took requests on which songs he
should play. However, He could not remember the words to one of his own
songs which was requested. This just happened to be my request btw... He
tried to perform it, but just could not remember it, so it had to be put off
for a bit until his memory could be refreshed. He finally did manage to do
it. I'm sorry Ritchie, I didn't mean to make things so difficult for you by
requesting one of your own songs. It was quite amusing. Later, Ritchie
attempted to perform a song which he said he had just composed and wanted to
send out to all the girls in the chatroom. He tried but kept cracking up
while singing it, so we never got to hear very much of it. But, what we did
hear was very funny something along the lines of how the girls would never
talk to him face to face, but only online. Hearing him try to sing it and
badly cracking up was also very amusing. I think there is a great song for
the band in this when/if he finishes composing it. And thus went the
first ever Demon's choice night and the first show of the new year. It was
an amusing fun night. This week the band Others should be on to talk about
an upcoming concert they will be participating in.  And they should perform
live and acoustic on the air. Should be a great show... And perhaps we will
hear about where Just Joe was. Tune in for these things and whatever other
craziness that may occur... 
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The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - January 14, 2005
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** Recaps from Fire Eater Wizard **

On The Metallic Onslaught: Shoebox... Well, take a guess. If you said
"Shoebox who?" or "Yeah right, not there, of course"... Well, that would be
an excellent guess! It would be, however, in this extremely rare case,
wrong! Yes, that's right! Can you believe it!? This first MO of the New Year
featured a rare and happy surprise. Shoebox actually graced us with his
presence! Now I predicted in this recap after his last appearance on MO
(which was way back on Friday, July 2nd into Saturday July 3rd) that we
would not see him for another 6 to
8 weeks. However, I wildly underestimated him, (or overestimated him
perhaps)  as he tripled that! Jeffie was at first happy to see Shoebox, (I'm
not so sure if the rest of the gang was, though)  but, after a while of
enduring Shoebox's insults, Jeffie changed his mind and told Shoebox that he
sucked. Jeffie and shoebox got into a few brawls, In one of these, Shoebox
sat on Jeffie, which should have been enough to kill Jeffie again (and most
anyone else, for that matter) but, this version of Jeffie has proven to be
very durable. Many attempts to kill him have been tried and either failed
entirely, or proved to be only temporary. Jeffie and Shoebox also threw
butter in each other's faces. Jeffie brought out his pussycat puppet again,
and kept tormenting Shoebox with it, shoving it in his mouth and having it
kiss him. Joe, Rick, and Lance were also involved in these brawls at various
times. During one of these, Rick's face somehow got pressed against the
window which left his lip prints on the glass, which seemed to really amuse
and fascinate Shoebox (Rick was not too pleased to have Shoebox seem so
fascinated with his lips).  Shoebox left around midnight (well, he was
there, what more do you want?), and Jeffie took the credit for making him
leave. And then we found out more about that bizarre last show of 04... On
that show, Jeffie was supposed to be retired, but then showed up, with
seemingly no memories. And he seemed to be defective as well, often freezing
up and getting stuck. I speculated that perhaps Jeffie really had retired,
and that this was a new version of him... And, it turns out that this was
right. (must be my wizard's powers of deduction).  Jeffie said that he
had wanted to and tried to retire, but that the show just sucked too much
without him, so he had sent them a clone to replace him. But since they had
killed the clone (Santa's faerie dust turned Lance into a zombie
temporarily, and Lance attacked that Jeffie and ate a good portion of him,
and, apparently it wasn't as durable as this one) he just couldn't let the
show go on sucking and deprive his millions (and millions) of fans, so he
had to come back from retirement. He tried to give a moving speech about
having been retired and coming back for the fans. In this speech he said he
had been retired for 2 years... Well, I guess technically maybe you could
look at it that way, as he retired at the end of one year, and came back at
the beginning of the next year, so it is 2 different years. (wizard's logic
there.)  Jeffie also tormented Joe and Lance with the pussycat. He came
in and had it kiss Joe. Joe and Jeffie brawled, and Joe got the pussy and
said he would only give it back if Jeffie left and went back into the other
room. Then Jeffie put the pussy in Lance's face. This being the first show
of the New Year, it was the show where everyone played their top 5 picks of
the previous  year. (Shoebox did not get to give any  picks.) They did not
want to let Jeffie give his picks either, but Jeffie insisted on giving them
anyways. He named picking his nose his butt, a scab and something that he
had picked out of Lance's ear while they were brawling (which Lance denied
ever happened). And then, for his top pick... Well, that was truly something
to behold! He played some Godawful slow, metal, power ballad, which featured
what had to be the worst and dumbest lyrics ever written! Jeffie also
performed along to this, singing and blowing (Huh, huh, huh, huh! I said
Blowing!) on that purple slide whistle. The whole thing was... Well...
really something!  Lance and Jeffie got into another brawl. At the
conclusion of this brawl (and of the show as well) Lance threw mustard at
Jeffie. There was mustard all over Jeffie, all over the window, and all over
everything else. So, thus went the first show of the New Year. Lots of
violence, insanity and silliness, the year may change, but these things do
not...

On The Last Exit: Just Joe was back and he did not deny Lance's claim that
he had beaten JJ so severely that this was why he had been absent, so, it
was true. Just Joe said that Lance had sneaked up on him and surprised him.
It was one of those shows with a ton of people there, so let me see if I can
take attendance and name them all. Just Joe as I said, Ian The Yeti, The
Penguin, Alan (the new enforcer), Ritchie (vocalist and guitarist for the
Pushrods), and the band Others. There! The band Others: Mark, Dan-O (also in
Punch Drunk Monkeys), and Jessica were on to promote some upcoming concerts,
to be interviewed, and to perform many of their songs live and acoustic on
the air. They rocked and it was an awesome performance! They also promised
while they were there that they would do something to take care of Just Joe.
The time came for them to leave, and they had done nothing yet in this
regard. As they were leaving, they said that they wanted to have their
picture taken with Just Joe outside... Everyone went outside to arrange and
witness this... And the band attacked Just Joe... They jumped him and kept
putting their hands down his pants (well, unfortunately for Just Joe, only
Mark and Dan-O did this, as Jessica sensibly ran away when she saw that this
would involve putting hands down Just Joe's pants). Also unfortunately for
Just Joe, they were putting their hands down his pants because they were
putting snow down his pants, lots and lots of snow... They also dropped lots
of snow down his shirt... They then double teamed him, shoving him into a
large snow drift, and piling on top of him. (See pic on main LE page
currently) The downside to all this was that when Just Joe finally got back
inside, he took off his soaking wet pants, and then threatened to sit on
people's laps, particularly poor Ian. Since the bands ambush of Just Joe had
come as a total surprise, they wanted Ian to get Just Joe to go back outside
and recreate the scene so that it could be documented this time. They told
Just Joe to go outside with Ian. Just Joe was on to what they wanted to do
and called them on it (he really does seem to be getting smarter about
things like that). They of course denied it, saying that nothing like what
had just happened with the band would happen again. Just Joe finally did go
outside with Ian. And Just Joe and Ian had a brawl in the snow, mainly
leaving Ian this time covered in snow. Ritchie performed some more Pushrods
songs acoustically including a couple brand new ones which were hysterical.
He then tried to perform their song "Girls In Vinyl Skirts", and, while he
was attempting to do this, Just Joe was distracting him, dancing beside him,
and doing a strip tease for him. Now of course having this going on from
Just Joe while he was singing a song about girls in vinyl skirts and all the
things he wants to do to and with them, very understandably made Ritchie
very uncomfortable, and he kept cracking up so badly that he finally
abandoned trying to get through the song,  as he just couldn't do it. It was
all very amusing.   Just Joe and Azkath got into a brawl in which Azkath
pile drove Just Joe onto a chair. And then toward the end of the night a
very interesting development occurred... Just Joe was ranting on about  a
couple weeks back when they tricked him into going into the basement and
locked him down there... He was talking about how he had escaped by finding
Dr. Evil's cave and leaving through it. And apparently while he was in the
cave he made an interesting find... A large, strange set of keys... Azkath
told him to give him the keys, and then identified them... Now you will
recall that Armageddon was supposed to fall on May 15th 2002, (almost three
years ago now), and the big lead up to it only to have it not occur... And
the reason it did not occur was because the late, not so great, and
unlamented Zoltan had stolen the Keys to the Apocalypse and then refused to
relinquish them... They had never been able to be successful in getting them
back from him, and, after his demise, what had happened to the keys was
never known. But, now they had turned up in Dr. Evil's cave. No one knew how
or why they were down there, but here they were!! They were only for that
particular Apocalypse, (which it was, of course, too late for), but Azkath
said that he would try to combine them with the Wheel Of Satan (after
working on  the wheel to repair it, of course, as it is apparently broken
even though Just Joe still insists that he fixed it when he made it play the
Teletubbies), and see if he can engineer another Apocalypse. So, we shall
all wait in breathless anticipation to see what this will yield! In the last
portion of the show the recording of the band Other's  performance from The
Punch Drunk Monkey's 10th anniversary Extravaganza a couple months back was
played in it's entirety. It sounded great and rocked! So that was LE for
last week... Tune in this week... Ritchie and Crow of The Pushrods may both
be there, and perhaps we will learn what progress has been made in bringing
about an apocalypse... Can't wait for that! 
____________________________________________________________________________

The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - January 21, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

** Recaps from Fire Eater Wizard **

On The Metallic Onslaught: Shoebox... Well, after his shock appearance the
week before, he, of course, went back to being not there. What else did you
really expect?? They took bets on how long it will be before he shows up
again, and I'd like to give mine as well... Since he tripled my last
expectation (I had predicted  6 to 8 weeks, and he took 6 months), well, if
he does that again, then it will be a year and a half... However, I will not
be that pessimistic, (or perhaps to some on MO this would be an optimistic
prediction)    and I will bet three and a half months. I'm not sure what,
if anything, the one who gets it right, or comes the closest, will win for
this feat, but there you have it anyways.  (Lance bet 6 months, Jeffie
bet 4 Months, btw, as for the rest, they did not give any bets that I heard,
but, there are ours, for the record.) Despite the fact that the week before
Jeffie had said that he had made Shoebox leave and go home, this week, when
he arrived, he accused them of making the show suck by driving away all of
the entertaining guests. He said that they had made Shoebox go home crying
because they were so mean to him. They told Jeffie that he hated Shoebox,
but he said that he liked Shoebox, and that the rest of them sucked. (I'm
pretty sure that they reciprocate this sentiment.) Jeffie then went on to
say that, while he had been on sabbatical, (his brief flirtation with
retirement), he had learned that he had not been going about being hardcore
in the correct way, that while it may have been the right way for most
people, that he is not most people, (oh, truer words were never spoken! That
may be the most correct, if not the only correct, thing that Jeffie's ever
said). So, he said that he had learned a new style that would now make him
truly hardcore, which he might have to demonstrate on Lance later... He then
said that he had something for Lance, well, something that Shoebox had left
for Lance... It was footage... Footage of Shoebox rubbing his naked asscrack
on the door handle of Lance's new car and gloating about it. Lance asked
Jeffie why he had let Shoebox do this. Jeffie asked Lance why wouldn't he
let him do this, it was cool. Lance and Jeffie got into a brawl. Jeffie
claimed that during this brawl, Lance was bouncing on him and riding him
around like a horsy whispering, "Giddy up Jeffie!", in his ear. Jeffie said
that it had been quite disturbing. Lance vehemently denied this, but Joe and
Rick, who had been giving commentary, did say that it looked "dirty!", and
like man love. So... Joe and Rick both joined in on this brawl (not the man
love part of it, but the beat down part).     After it was over, Jeffie
said that he was going to reveal his new hardcore strategy... He brought out
a barbed wire wrapped baseball bat. But it was all down hill for Jeffie from
there. First he kept injuring himself with the bat. Sitting down on it and
getting it caught in his leg. Then Lance tried to take it from him and the
barbed wire went into Jeffie's nipple, whereupon Lance twisted it. Joe said
that he would come and help Jeffie remove the barbed wire from himself, but,
somehow, for some strange reason, all Joe's helpful efforts on Jeffie's
behalf only seemed to result in Jeffie getting barbed wired some more. Then,
at the next talk break, Jeffie sat down on the bat, and so now had barbed
wire in his ass. He read some stories that way. Then he got it out, (got the
bat out of his ass, that is, not what you might think that meant, if you
have a dirty mind!)    but he and lance got into another brawl with it.
Joe and Rick participated in this brawl too. Jeffie got barbed wire raked
across his face, in his hair, and, then, stuck in his head. He was asking
them to help get the barbed wire out of his head, but they turned out the
lights, closed the door, and left him there. The show ended with Jeffie
calling for them to come back and help him remove the barbed wire from his
head.   So, who knows, maybe he's still there... I think he needs to find
another strategy for being hard core, as this one was a complete and utter
miserable failure for him...

On The Last Exit: Crow and Ritchie of The Pushrods were both there. So were
Ian The Yeti, and The Penguin. The theme of throwing people in the snow
continued. The Penguin was being annoying and obnoxious (her usual self,
that is), so they had Just Joe force her outside and toss her in the snow
(Crow helped). Well, Penguins are at home in and like snow, don't they?
While this brawl was going on, The Penguin in her struggles, only managed to
wind up in compromising possessions with just Joe. She was extremely
traumatized by this (of course she was, who wouldn't be!), and tried to deny
that they had ever taken place. (I'm sure there is documentary proof,
though, unfortunately for her!)  Then Ritchie was trying to perform some
songs, and, while he was, someone goosed him and was touching him in other
suggestive ways. He thought and hoped it was the Penguin, but then
discovered the nightmare truth... It was Just Joe! Oh, the horror! The
inhumanity! Ritchie tried to be brave and perform another song, but he just
couldn't get through it due to Just Joe's further distractions. So Azkath
told Ritchie to just perform some instrumental Just Joe beat down theme
music, as he was going to give Just Joe one long severe brutal beating as JJ
had been provoking him all night and he had been storing up the beating that
was about to take place. Ritchie was only too happy to comply with this. He
supplied the musical accompaniment and one terrific prolonged brawl ensued.
Just Joe emerged battered but, of course, still alive. No matter how hard
they try, he just doesn't have the decency to die and stay dead.    Ritchie
did manage to perform some songs which were funny as always. The Yeti wanted
him to perform the theme to The Love Boat. Ritchie did sing a bit of it, and
so now Ritchie is Ian's hero and Ian seems to have appointed himself
Ritchie's protector. I'm not so sure if that would be a good thing for
Ritchie or not.    The band King Snyder were on for an interview. They
brought their new CD, and all three tracks from it were played. It sounded
great. And they told us about themselves, their music, and upcoming
concerts. They have not been on LE for about a year and a half, and it was
good to hear from them again. And thus went last weeks show. This week,
Ritchie should be back, and who knows who/what else... Still no word on
what, if any progress has been made in trying to bring about an apocalypse
by combining a repaired Wheel Of Satan, with the newly found Keys To The
Apocalypse. Perhaps we will hear more about that. Who knows? but silliness
and craziness are always in store so be sure to tune in for the fun and
music... 
_______________________________________________________________________

The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - January 28, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

** RECAPS BY FIRE EATER WIZARD **

On The Metallic Onslaught: When Jeffie arrived he had some new facts and
news for everyone. He has always maintained that he is the star of the show,
and he thinks that the show never starts until he gets there... but now in
his newfound wisdom, he said that he is the whole reason there is a show.
That he was responsible for bringing everyone on the show to it (even though
they all (aside from Lance)preceded his arrival there, it still was all due
to him). He informed Joe that he would have no show at all and no listeners
if it wasn't for him, that he was responsible for everything Joe had,
including his wife... Joe at first challenged this, but then told Jeffie
that after thinking it over, he had seen the light, and that Jeffie was
absolutely right (in the middle of this he said "I'll take your life, err, I
mean...", so, this was obviously sarcasm. He is old, demented, and senile,
yes, but not that far gone... not yet, anyways. Someday soon, who knows?).
Jeffie said that since he had realized that he was so incredibly important
and loved and adored, that he was now living a lifestyle befitting of
someone with such power and fame... He said that he had written a book, and
that he had been attending book signings all week, all of which were
attended by throngs of adoring fans. He said that he had acquired a big tour
bus, and had had many wild parties on it with his many many groupies. He
called himself a rock star who doesn't make music, and claimed that soon the
band The Who would be opening for him at his book signings. At some point
Joe got careless and left his cell phone unguarded (old people are
neglectful like that). Jeffie got a hold of it (he's been wanting and
waiting for a chance to get that phone again for months). He shoved it in
his pants, and begged for someone (hopefully lots of his fans) to call it.
The phone vibrates when it rings, you see, so I'm sure you can figure out
why he wanted this so badly.    (you know, there has been news lately that
cell phones may cause sterility, and I'm sure the scientists who brought
this out weren't considering that someone might put them in their pants to
use them for a vibrator, so, this might actually be a very good thing. We
certainly don't want Jeffie reproducing! Perish that thought! It's bad
enough that Shoebox did, but Jeffie?! That would be worse still!  Joe's cell
phone may be providing a much more valuable service than bringing Joe his
calls. Maybe they should each buy Jeffie a cell phone.) There was a brawl in
which Joe, Lance and Rick beat down Jeffie. They hit him with a HedPE CD
again (they had broken a HedPE CD over his head the week before). Then there
was an amusing segment where Lance said he wanted to form a Kiss tribute
band, one that would only cover extremely rare and obscure Kiss songs like
the completely unheard of songs "I wanna Rock And Roll All Night", "Beth",
and "Shout It Out Loud". The band would have the extremely clever name Kiss
And Make Up (get it? I'm sure you do!). Way ta go Lance! Someone finally
will do us all the important and long overdue service of bringing these
unknown treasures the public exposure they so richly deserve! Everyone
joined in on giving him suggestions of songs his band should cover. It was
all very funny. At the end of the night Jeffie still had the phone in his
pants, but noone had called it. He implored someone, anyone, to call it,
that it was of vital importance! Finally the phone rang (the ring tone is
the beginning of Ozzy Osbourne's "Crazy Train"). Jeffie was ecstatic, as you
can guess. Lance told Jeffie that he owed him, and Jeffie told Lance that he
could come hang out and party with him on his big tour bus. And that was MO
for that week...

On The Last Exit: In a shocking turn of events, Just Joe beat down and
totally incapacitated The Demon Azkath. Just Joe hosted the show for the
night, and played all his favorites, Elf, Dio, Triumph, The Dave Mathews
Band, and Travis Rocco (that last is a local soft rock/pop sounding band
btw, as I doubt if many of you would know who they are, I do, but that is
because, unfortunately for me, I have the misfortune of sharing a hometown
with Just Joe!)    Just Joe turned out to be extremely smart after all,
and his feigned stupidity was just a clever disguise to lull everyone into a
false sense of security. Yeah, I know what you're thinking... Nobody could
be that good of an actor! But, that turned out to be just his evil
brilliance. The Penguin and FMG talked on the air all night long as well. It
was a very different show than it usually is! It rocked and I hope it will
continue! PSYCH!!! Gotcha! Actually, for the first time in ten years, there
was no LE of any kind (there was a recorded version, instead of a live show
once when the station was transferring to a new location. There was almost a
rerun of The classic Armageddon show last fall, when the crew had planned to
take a rare and well deserved night off, but their plans fell through, and
there was a live show after all that night. And there have been a couple of
times when there were fill in hosts. But this was the first time that there
was no show at all)... And this tragedy was due to the blizzard that hit the
east coast which I'm sure (unless you live in a cave) you noticed or heard
and saw a lot of coverage of. So, I made it all up for you! None of those
travesties took place! Aren't you relieved?! What a nightmare! There was
only a virtual show of sorts held in the chat room.  Hmmm, I wonder if that
severe weather might have been caused by the work that might have been going
on trying to combine the Wheel Of Satan with The Keys To The Apocalypse to
reek havoc?? A mini Apocalypse (possibly a preview of bigger and better
things to come, perhaps??) Who Knows? Having no LE for a week, tragic though
that is (and it most certainly is!), if it was in the cause of trying to
engineer an Armageddon, well, every worthy cause requires great sacrifice.
In any case, barring any more unforeseen freak events of nature, (or any
other freak events of any sort) there will be a LE this week, so be sure to
tune in for it! 
______________________________________________________________________

The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - Friday, February 4, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

** Recaps from Fire Eater Wizard **

On The Metallic Onslaught: Lance and Joe decided that, in edition to Lance's
project of forming a Kiss tribute band (which would be formed for the
extremely noble purpose of bringing to public attention Kiss's obscure never
before herd material like "I Wanna Rock And Roll All Night", and "Beth"),
that, as a side project, they would form an Emo/black metal band, with Joe
doing the emo vocals, and Lance doing the black metal ones. Their examples
of their work were very amusing to hear. I think these projects have real
potential to be great success stories! Jeffie arrived claiming that he was
still living the life style of the tremendous super star rock star (one that
doesn't make music, and one who is responsible for everything and everyone
on MO), and that it was beginning to take a toll on him, wearing him out, so
he was drunk (on bleach laced with something else, he wasn't sure what). Joe
and Lance got into brawls with Jeffie (something which hardly ever happens,
I know, but it happened nonetheless).  :p  Rick wanted to participate in the
beat downs, but he is still barred from ring side. And, besides, Jeffie
informed him that, being a big non rock star now, he has a lawyer whom he
will sick on Rick if Rick touches him. Joe said that he might write Rick a
hall pass, which lead to Jeffie trying to take Joe's pen away from him,
which lead to another brawl. Jeffie said that his lawyer had told him that
Joe did not have the authority to grant Rick the authority to beat Jeffie
anyways. That, for that, they would need Jeffie's signature. They tried to
obtain this by tricking him. They asked him if, since he has written a book
now, and is such a huge celebrity, could they please have his autograph?!
Good plan, or you would think it was anyways, but, Jeffie was either too
smart to fall for it, or, more likely, it was just dumb luck for him (oh
what an appropriate phrase that is, given who we're talking about here!), as
he told them he did not want to sign any more autographs as he had signed so
many that his hand was cramped and exhausted (supply your own smart comments
here about what else could cause this).  :p  And, besides, they didn't
deserve to have his autograph anyways, as they were not worthy. At the final
talk break, Jeffie went into a long tirade, saying that he was the only good
thing on the show, that everything else sucked, and that he should be
running the show. To which Joe said an unexpected and shocking thing... He
said that next week he was going to Vegas, and that Jeffie could run the
entire show. Rick and Lance were stunned and dismayed to hear this, and
demanded to know what in the world Joe was thinking. But Joe wouldn't
reconsider, no matter how much they begged him to, and said that Jeffie
could run the show. Joe must be even more senile than we all thought, which
is really saying something! Jeffie seemed taken aback at first, (I don't
think he thought Joe would agree to such a thing any more than anyone else
did, and couldn't believe it either), but then, of course, he was thrilled
(he was the only one who was). He said that he was going to get started
right away, and work all week on planning his show. He said that he would
have special guests and big surprises. Lance and Rick were dismayed, but
said they would be there too, for damage control. So, tune in for Jeffie's
big night. I'm sure it will really be something! Something else, that is...

On The Last Exit: There were no more freak events (of nature, or otherwise.
No, the freak events were once again reserved for the show, as it should
be), so, there actually was a LE this week. Attendant at this show were:
Ritchie of The Pushrods, Just Joe, and some new people, one of whom was
named Michelle, and a new guy named Ken. Ritchie performed some more songs
acoustically, including couple new songs. While he was performing, as is the
custom now, he had to contend with being tormented by Just Joe. And, there
was a new and bizarre twist to this torment. Michelle had brought with her a
cigarette lighter, and while Ritchie was trying to perform his songs, Just
Joe was poking said cigarette lighter in his ear. Oh, and did I mention that
this lighter was in the shape of a, well, a penis!? Ritchie put up quite a
good performance considering what he was enduring, guess he's getting used
to performing through Just Joe's molestations. Then they instructed Just Joe
to take someone to the basement. They decided and told him to have it be
Michelle. Just Joe did this, quite roughly (he had been being gentler doing
this lately, but, this time Michelle went down the stairs flailing and
screaming). Foul Mouth Girl then locked the basement door to keep Just Joe
down there, saying that if a human sacrifice was what was needed to get rid
of Just Joe for a while, and get some peace and quiet, well then it was a
fair trade. However, at the next talk break, we were informed that Just Joe
was now outside, curled up in a fetal position, listening to Dennis Leary,
and unresponsive. They asked Michelle what had transpired that had
traumatized Just Joe so badly. And apparently, although Just Joe had started
off in charge of the situation, he badly lost control of it. Although
Michelle had gone down the stairs flailing and screaming, and had flown
through the air and went sprawling onto the couch, she then told Just Joe
that she was going to show him who was in  charge... And she shoved the
penis shaped lighter...  Never mind. So, Just Joe was raped with a dick
shaped cigarette lighter. They thanked Michelle for doing such an excellent
job of Dispatching Just Joe for them, and then she and Ken were on their
merry way. Just Joe refused to talk about it when they asked him what had
happened to him, and why he kept holding his butt as if it were in pain.
There were also some other beat downs and brawls throughout the night
involving a chair. And we finally got an update on how the attempted
combining of The Wheel Of Satan with The Keys To The Apocalypse to try and
bring about some kind of an Armageddon is going... Apparently it is not
going too well so far, but it is still being worked on... So, we shall wait
and see... Then it was decided to try something new... They called it
Ritchie's Challenge, and it went like this... Just Joe and Ritchie would
come up with classic rock songs and try to perform them. They did some
Boston and some other ones. And then Just Joe Started singing... VERY badly!
Right before they went into the feature for the night, Ritchie played and
Just Joe sang "You're Just What I Needed" by The Cars. It was absolutely
hideous and was apologized for by Azkath. In the final portion of the show,
we got to hear The Pushrod's performance from The Extreme Soundscapes DVD
release show a couple months ago played in it's entirety, well, in it's
entirety except for Ritchie's copious swearing between songs, which had to
be edited out of course. It sounded great and rocked! And so that was LE for
that night... A show of violence, molestation, chaos, and silliness... In
other words, a typical night at The Last Exit For The Lost...    This
week, If Man Is five should be on (they were supposed to be there this past
week, but, they forgot this, and when they remembered, they couldn't locate
Angela, their vocalist). That will be cool, as they always are, and who
knows what other craziness may transpire... So tune in and find out... 
__________________________________________________________________________

The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - February 11, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

** RECAPS FROM FIRE EATER WIZARD **

On The Metallic Onslaught: Shoebox, not there, of course. There: Jeffie,
Lance, Rick, and Joe. Usual show, right? Wrong! Because, for starters, the
Joe present on this night was not the old senile Joe, but Just Joe, the
idiot from The Last Exit. Old Joe, as you may recall from last week, (which
you will, if you were paying attention, which I'm sure you all do, and
certainly should! After all, what better and/or more important matters are
there to pay attention to?! None, exactly!), informed them that he was going
to Vegas, and that Jeffie could run the whole show for that night, to the
delight of Jeffie, and the dismay of everyone else. Jeffie had promised that
he would have special guests and surprises for his big night. Rick had
demanded that one of those guests had better not be Just Joe, or he would
kick both their asses (hall pass or no hall pass, lawyer or no lawyer).
Jeffie insisted that Just Joe would definitely not be there, as he did not
want him there either, so he would absolutely not be there... Unless he
followed him there... Which must be what happened, just goes to show once
again that Jeffie can never get anything right, and that his word can not be
trusted. Jeffie had also brought with him (these being the guests he meant
to bring when he promised special guests) most of the band The Pushrods,
Richie, the vocalist/guitarist, and Crow, the drummer. It was a very violent
night with most of the violence going on between Jeffie and Just Joe.
Jeffie actually beat down Just Joe pretty well, and screwed him... With a
screwdriver! (shame on you for what you were thinking!) He busted him open
and made him bleed with the screwdriver.  Just Joe beat down Jeffie as well,
and Rick and Lance also beat on Just Joe. Jeffie and Just Joe also used that
purple slide whistle. Jeffie said that he liked it when Just Joe pulled his
whistle. The Pushrods performed many of their songs live on the air. They
also endured many insults from Just Joe, as did everyone else. I think the
MO gang may have actually come across someone who is even more annoying than
Jeffie. That's a pretty tall order, I know, but, if anyone could fill it, it
would be Just Joe. Lance and Richie got together (along with Just Joe, Crow,
and Jeffie) and performed some classic metal songs, AC/DC, Ozzy Osbourne,
and that extremely rare, so rare it's never been heard before, Kiss song, "I
Wanna Rock And Roll All Night", with Lance doing the vocals in death metal
style, Jeffie on slide whistle, Just Joe screaming, and Crow on drum sticks.
However, Lance Kicked Just Joe out of the band eventually, telling him that
he sucked, as Just Joe sang horribly, and was always out of sync with
everyone else, plus often didn't know the words. The performances were very
amusing, and The Pushrods rocked! And so that was Jeffie's big night running
the show. A night filled with violence, brawling and beatdowns, and humorous
musical performances. This week the other Joe (the old one) returns to take
control once again. Or as much control as can be taken on MO, that is. And,
although Just Joe vowed to return as well, I don't think that will happen.
Jeffie seemed to have enjoyed his special night. Which is understandable...
He actually got to beat down someone, for once, and, for a change, most of
the anger and hatred and beatdowns from the rest of the gang were directed
at someone else (Just Joe, of course!). Jeffie actually got some praise
(another first for him) from the gang, when he beat on Just Joe, and
especially for the screwdriver incident. So I can see why he would've
enjoyed the night. Plus Jeffie liked The Pushrods. That feeling was probably
not reciprecated, though, alas for Jeffie. It was quite a night, and quite a
show! So, tune in to see what other craziness this weeks show will bring...

On The Last Exit: Just Joe was not there, probably recuperating from all his
beat downs at The Metallic Onslaught the night before. Although, the reason
he gave was that he was home sick. (sick from the beatdowns, probably).  :p
The Penguin was there briefly. Richie from The Pushrods was there. He
performed many pushrods's songs and one Beatles song live and acoustic. And,
interestingly enough, even though Just Joe was not there to distract and
molest him, he still couldn't remember the words to his songs, and had a
hard time getting through them, and still even on one of them, could not get
through it at all. Which I guess just proves that he can't remember
anything, and is easily distracted.    Since he did not have the excuse
(completely valid and understandable excuse though it is) of Just Joe, what
else is there to conclude?    It was amusing, though, and the songs
rocked, as always. This week, the band If Man Is Five should finally be on
again. They rock and are cool. And Just Joe will probably be recovered from
being sick (and beaten down on MO), so he should be back. And who knows what
else will happen. So, tune in and find out... 
____________________________________________________________________________

The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - February 18, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

** RECAPS FROM FIRE EATER WIZARD **

On The Metallic Onslaught: Jeffie arrived and informed everyone that he now
realized that, not only was he personally and single-handedly responsible
for all of MO and everything and everyone on it, but that he was also
personally and single-handedly responsible for the entire universe and every
single thing in it, that, yes, he is God.  Or at very least, Godlike. Then
he and Lance got into a brawl using a can of hairspray among other things.
They kept trying to spray it into each other's eyes and faces. (the hair
spray, that is., I know how your minds work)  :p  Lance asked Jeffie why he
had blush and butt beads in his bag (heh, heh, heh, heh, I said bag!).
Jeffie told Lance that he had brought those for him. There were more brawls,
some of them involving the hairspray again, as well as CD's. So, another
night filled with brawling and beat downs... Jeffie said that he will not be
on MO this week, as he will be attending the concert of his new friends (at
least in his mind they are his friends, I doubt if they feel the same way)
The Pushrods. That plus I'm sure being responsible for the entire universe
and everything and everyone in it must keep one very busy. So, of course,
Jeffie thinks that, since he won't be there, there can't be any show at all,
but, of course, there will be. So tune in...

On The Last Exit: The band If Man Is Five did finally stop by the show...
However, they were having lots of problems that night, and were broken, so,
unfortunately, they were not able to go on air, just stopped in briefly to
explain this. So, another time... Ritchie and Crow of The Pushrods were both
there, as was Just Joe. They have come up with a new concept which they hope
to make a regular thing (or as regular as anything can be on LE)... It's
called The Just Joe's Challenge, and it goes like this... When they do it,
they will come up with a task for Just Joe to perform, and, if he is
successful, he will get some kind of reward, like being able to hear his
favorite bands, or something. This week his first task was relatively
easy... He was supposed to distract Ritchie while he was trying to perform a
song, and keep him from getting through it. This, of course, was not too
hard, even with the stipulations... Which were that he could not touch
Ritchie at all to distract him... Still, he succeeded quite easily, he got
right up in his face and tried to feed him a cupcake. It worked. And so that
was Just Joe's first challenge, which went quite well for him. I'm sure that
his future tasks will be harder... After all, distracting Ritchie... Ritchie
can get distracted when noone is trying to distract him. Besides, he is
getting used to trying to play through Just Joe's antics. Ritchie performed
many songs throughout the night. And, in the final portion of the show, we
got to hear the entire performance of the band The Witching from The Xtreme
Soundscapes DVD release show back in November. It sounded great and rocked!
Tune in this week to find out what may go on... 
_____________________________________________________________________________


The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - February 25, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Recaps from Fire Eater Wizard...

On The Metallic Onslaught: In one of the most action packed shows ever,
(which is saying a lot, I know) everyone wound up dead by night's end. All
except for Jeffie, that is, as he told us last week, he would be absent that
night so he could attend the concert of his newfound friends (at least in
his mind they are his friends) The Pushrods. So ironically he is probably
the only one left. Senility and dementia finally overcame old Joe, and he
snapped, attacking and beating Lance into oblivion. Then Rick and Joe had a
brawl to the death. The brutality and carnage was truly shocking, even for
MO! Oh, the inhumanity! And, in further shocking developments, Shoebox (yes,
the fact that he was there was shocking enough in and of itself, but it gets
even more so) apparently became a zombie after trying some leftover faerie
dust that Santa brought at Christmas time. He ate the corpses, and then died
of food poisoning. you apparently have to be careful when eating corpses,
make sure they are cooked at a high enough temperature to kill off disease.
Do not eat them raw! Who Knew? A helpful cooking tip for all of you... Yet
another one of the valuable services we provide that you can't do without
and won't get anywhere else. so, I guess the show is Jeffie's now... Well,
ok, actually... Most of the above was, well, a bit exaggerated... Well, ok,
a lot exaggerated... Actually, the only thing in this recap that actually
did happen was that Jeffie was absent attending The Pushrod's concert. So a
bit of levity to spice things up.    I'm sure I went too far beyond the
bounds of credibility, and, thus, gave it all away when I said that Shoebox
was there. Like that would ever happen?!?! Joe and Lance were going to debut
another song, but said they would wait and do it next week. They also tossed
around ideas for more side band projects they might try, like Muppet metal.
They all remarked on how great it was to be free of Jeffie, and hoped The
Pushrods would have many more concerts. They even said they would open a
club just for The Pushrods, and have them play every Friday night. They
hoped Jeffie would not return this week, but, The Pushrods do not have a
show this week, so, I don't think they will get their wish. So, tune in for
the probable return of Jeffie, the very likely absence of Shoebox, the debut
of more wonderful music from Lance and Joe, and whatever else that may
occur...

On The Last Exit For The Lost: Just Joe was not there as his car would not
start. The Penguin was there for a bit. Ritchie was there for about half of
the show. He performed some songs, and, wonder of wonders, I don't think he
got distracted, or screwed up, or forgot the lyrics even once, which may be
a first. It was quite impressive. I don't know if it was because there was
no Just Joe there? I don't think that could be all that accounted for it, as
Just Joe was absent a couple weeks ago, and Ritchie still seemed to have
just as much trouble getting through his songs. He must just have hit a
really good night for some reason. The last hour of the show (as well as
some of the music throughout the whole night) was all Shoebox's music,
including some old and rare and/or remixed gems. This was really fun, and it
was because Saturday February 19th was Shoebox's birthday, and, thus, marked
3 decades of Shoebox on this planet. Yes, he turned 30! Happy birthday
Shoebox! Anyone who has not already done so, you can/should still send him a
belated birthday message by e-mailing him at: Shoebox@wormquartet.com This
week, some members of Punch Drunk Monkeys hopefully should be on LE, if
things work out and go through ok. If so, that will be cool. And Just Joe
will likely be back. So tune in to find out what's in store... 